I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
