The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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