Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
