Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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