can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
