i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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