is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
