They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
