i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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