I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
