Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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