I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
