If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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