Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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