this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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