If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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