Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
