Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
