Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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