we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
