Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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