I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
