One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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