ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
