I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
