so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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