Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
