Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
