that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
