i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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