I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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