If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
