Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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