i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
