Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
pray to the hookup gods
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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