Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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