I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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