i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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