I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
