when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need to calm my uterus...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
