I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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