My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
