First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
