It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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