I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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