I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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