Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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