are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize