dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish I only lived at night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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