I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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