I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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